Caring For Caretakers

“There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers.” -Rosalynn Carter

What do caretakers shoulder?

“Watching kids” is one of those statements that severely underplays the efforts which it engenders. It can be used to allude to anything from changing diapers, bathing, reading stories, nap time, games, toys, excursions, feeding, dancing, drawing, staring contests, yes/no battles, unchecked silliness, none of the above, all of the above, and much more. The point is, “watching kids” could mean anything, and often means everything, everything to the point that it cannot be articulated any more or less concisely than with this insipid phrase.

So, let’s imagine I’m a caretaker, which turns out to be true, and my child needs a day full of care. It’s the night before that day and I’m already plotting out the primary needs for the day; breakfast, diaper change, brushing teeth, changing clothes, morning activity time, second meal, post meal activity, nap (for both of us!), post-nap activity, a snack, another set of activities, a final meal, more activities, unforeseen needs, diaper changes, nighttime clothes, toothbrushing, quiet activities to accompany bedtime; wow!: I am wiped… and preparing to do it again… but a little differently the next day.

All those needs require physical activity, forethought, concentration, emotional expression, dynamism, and attention. Let’s also keep in mind that much of this care involves lifting, carrying, putting down, cradling, rocking, and holding dynamic weight that a scale might read as 7-50ish pounds. Oh yeah, and did I mention my own needs mixed-in with all that? So, my body, mind, and heart at a minimum must be considered.

What do caretakers need?

Time. Time to attend to their physical, mental, and emotional needs. This is different for everyone; which makes addressing needs complex. I like to chip away at complexity with questions. For this topic, I might start asking things like:

What do I like to do for my mind, 

my body, 

and my heart?

How much time do I need for these things?

How much time do I have to accomplish them?

What do I need to be able to do these things?

Who is available to help facilitate my needs?

… and let the answers that arise steer the way in which I attend to my needs.

Physically, exercise is critical for me. Ideally, 2 to 3 hours gives me a well-rounded, complete workout. When that is unfeasible, I have plans for less time, down to 15 minutes. Sometimes, the gym has to be missed. So, my movement repertoire allows for fallback activities. Any movement is a bonus, and in times where the gym is not an option, I lean on those; taking a stroll around my neighborhood, visiting a park with my child, hiking after daycare/school pick-up, riding my bike (which has a trailer mount so my kid can ride along); to name a few. All that said, validating what was accomplished over what was missed has been a helpful attitude for me. Even when what seems like nothing was done occurs, it puts me in a place to look a what can be done at the next opportunity.

For mental health, holding space for my thoughts is most helpful. Sitting in meditation is what I turn to most for this. At this time, I set no other goal than to sit in stillness regularly, without regard to how much time. Sometimes I sit for 2 minutes, other times 45. All I need is a space to sit in stillness. Right now, that space is when the rest of my family is sleeping. That can change, so I look at what to do when schedules and routines shift. The advent of no time goal allows me to listen to what is stirring in my mind. Holding to a commitment of “at this time, I will practice meditation” is presently my best guide.

Perhaps the most complex of these three categories is addressing emotional needs. During meditation periods, I will often reflect and introspect over my emotional state. How do I feel about my interactions with others? What has been my general attitude lately? How do I want to feel around others? How do I feel about myself? The things that I turn to for the mind and body afford times to true my heart. What I look for most are moments when my heart is battling the wellspring of love. Those beats that surge with an aura of overwhelming strength and dissipate into an emboldening flow; when all emotions are able to integrate with a sense of harmony.

Who is a caretaker?

Anyone what has dedicated time to attend to another. Those that gave life are often charged with sustaining it. Though, this is not always the case, and, once again, can be done in unique ways. So an aunt or uncle, grandparents, siblings, nieces and nephews, and other immediate and extended family members can provide care for a child. Sometimes a person of no immediate relation steps-in to the role of a parental unit, like a step-parent, an adopted mother and/or father, or foster guardian.

Then there are peripheral caregivers called upon to meet the needs of children. When guardians need a few moments, a sitter may visit for a few hours. Day care providers afford extended care so that working parents can continue to make a living. Live-in nannies and au pairs offer similar benefits from the convenience of the home. School teachers are often asked to take up the yoke of childcare in addition to instruction. Here we find part of the proverbial village that raises our children.

Caring for caretakers

When thinking about supporting caretakers for all they do to facilitate a safe environment for children’s growth, several self care options come to mind. Every person has their own methods for channeling stresses. As a holistic healthcare provider, some things I recommend are massage, Yoga, and exercise. I have more thorough advice for those three facets of self care. A short list of personal recommendations follows. Surely, yours has some of the same things, as well as others.

Massage

Massage and bodywork have so many benefits to the recipient. It’s great way to soothe your tissues. The stresses from childcare can build up quickly, and massage can help keep your body feeling great and ready for whatever the child(ren) for whom you care need(s). Massage can also be experienced in many styles. When thinking about restoration specific to child care, I turn to these modalities primarily: craniosacral therapy, lymphatic drainage, myofascial release, and soothing styles like Shiatsu, Lomi Lomi, and Swedish. For those that have borne a child, pregnancy massage is a great way to prepare and recover from the demand of bringing another being into this world.

Yoga

The practice of Yoga involves integrating 8 components; do no harm, be clean and ethical, mastery of movement, mastery of respiration, mastery of your senses, meditation, concentration, and perpetual bliss. Asana (mastery of movement: *seat* in Sanskrit) involves taking yourself through postures or poses. The act of doing this facilitates several benefits; external and internal awareness, mobility in your body, endurance, extended focus, and breath regulation; to name a few. With so many varieties of practice available, explore and find the right approach for you. I like to design my own posture flows for my own needs. Iyengar’s book Light on Yoga is an excellent resource for foundations of practice, postures, benefits, descriptions, and suggested sequences. And, the classic, Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutation) is always available to an open mat.

Exercise

For me exercise is movement that facilitates freedom from stresses. My best recommendations are to make dedicated time for active activity that you enjoy multiple times a week. Set goals for how many times a week will be reasonable for you. Check-in every couple of weeks to see if you are hitting your frequency target. If you set a goal for three times a week and are only able to go once or twice a week, your goal needs to change. If three times leaves you wanting more, try increasing your frequency. Adjust your exercise time until you find the sweet spot that works for you. I recommend taking a similar approach for other goals like weight, caloric intake, endurance, lifting, etc. My workouts are designed with a warm-up, exercise rounds, and a cool-down; ensuring a well-rounded routine. I know I’m in a good place when I can lift my daughter over my head in adoration with ease.

Here are some other things that I find valuable for maintaining a state of ease for myself:

Reading

Time in Nature

Artistic expression

Walks

Naps

Cooking

Cleaning and Organizing

Acupuncture

Stillness

Thanks for reading. Thanks for your hand in curating a healthy environment for raising people in our world.

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*Disclaimer*— The advice and recommendations offered in this blog are not intended to supersede or contradict medical advice from your physician or doctor. Consult with your physician or doctor when considering actions that will influence your health.